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Thursday, September 6, 2007
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   Thursday, September 6, 2007

The Language Of Pet Names
Copyright 2006 X & Y Communications
It's a definite turning point, isn't it? She blurts it out innocently enough, but there it is—it's out there, "Honey" (or, if the Angels Of Affectionate Blessing are working extra hard, "Sugar Smacks"…or "Beanly"…or "Goodness"). The proverbial cat is out of its bag. Just don't call me that in front of my friends, okay, "Sweet Thing"?
Pet names. What a concept. A topic I genuinely like, and have thought about in detail. I believe it's all about adding a new level of identity to a certain person so as to set apart the relationship between parties as sacred (or something like that). Pet names are a lot like nicknames in this respect, demonstrating that someone "cares" enough to call you in a way more private or familial than your given name. But see, just about anyone you know can "care" enough to tag you with a mere nickname, and the end result can be questionable, right "Pigeon Lips"? Oh yeah. Make no mistake, pet names are nicknames made perfect. This is all part of that elusive "language of love" made famous by Pepe LePew, et al.
Women, I'm guessing, typically get the ball rolling, and may wonder where the reciprocation is. Well, there's good cause for concern. A man might very well feel that "pet names" are a feminine thing, so during the normal course of life he may carefully guard his "macho" exterior and act embarrassed by them and/or refrain from using them--especially in public I'd think. During the passion of sex, however, he may feel more uninhibited or quite frankly may not be able to help himself from coming out with the little names he already has in mind for her.
Did you know that it's very common for women to "age regress" when they are both attracted to and comfortable with a man? It's a very clear sign. "Baby talk" and pet-names are by products of this, and yes...it's a feminine trait. You know what I mean: all those little "cute-isms" used around the house that all healthy couples seem to have, but which the man would NEVER acknowledge outside of the safe confines of the house or the car. A while back Match.com used to have "baby talk" on its list of "turn on/turnoffs" for members to select from when creating profiles. Women almost always checked it as a "turnoff" (e.g. if coming from a guy). My educated guess, however, is that a man really likes when women do that stuff because it gives him the security of knowing she's into him…as bizarre as that sounds.
And what about those pet names themselves? There are "universal" or "safe" pet names (e.g. baby, honey, cutie) that everyone can use over and over. Others, like "pumpkin", "sweet stuff", etc. probably aren't 'transferable' to the next relationship--it would feel weird. Re-using the "sacred" ones would be kind of like calling out an ex-lover's name in bed, right?
All of this said, I do believe there are distinct words a man can use when talking to a woman he likes that accomplish the same endearing purpose as the "femmie" pet names, YET project all the right things about manhood. This is a tricky one, and highly variable depending on a guy's personality…or the woman's for that matter. Oddly enough, "girlie", "female" and "blondie" are examples I've heard can be used effectively…

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Want to hear more? Scot McKay is a dating coach in San Antonio, TX and founder of X & Y Communications, a one-stop-shop for dating resources. He is the author of the new book "Deserve What You Want", and hosts the popular podcast series "X & Y On The Fly". He may be reached at scot@xandycommunications.net or on the Web at http://www.dating-advice.us/ and http://www.romantic-dinners.com/ . The podcast series is available free of charge at http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyonthefly .


A New Breed of Social Networking
After close to a year of development, we are proud to finally announce the national launch of our new social networking site, College Tonight. Several months ago, we began testing the site with a simple random sample of zoo animals from nine different counties in southeastern Delaware and it went over really well with them. Giraffes and pigeons were getting loose like never before and we even saw a lion hook-up with a flamingo (although his pride was ashamed of him). They were actually a bit overzealous and we realized it was time to move on. The next natural step was to test College Tonight with human beings. For the past several weeks, we have been beta testing the site at 8 schools in the City of Atlanta. This has enabled us to track any bugs and refine the site for national release. In our first 5 days of beta testing, we had 500 users from across Atlanta.
Truly a one of a kind effort, College Tonight is the only nightlife networking site on the internet for college students, graduate students and alumni. However, College Tonight is much more than a nightlife network. It is a way of life, almost a religion of sorts (although the Pope might frown upon a site like ours). For those who are saying, "Oh no, not another networking site. I can only take so much social networking before I start developing a rash." All we can say is that we are on the forefront of innovation. We're hipper, edgier and far more synergized than our creepy competitors (and it's all about synergy, right?). We aren't your grandfather's networking site. Tell the geriatrics to walk down the hall and sign up for MySpace. Our features aren't seen anywhere else on the internet… period. If those other sites encourage you to sit behind your boring desk in a towel and drool over a picture of a girl you're interested in, our site encourages you to take off that towel, confidently throw it against the wall, nakedly parade down the hall of your dorm/apartment/house for no apparent reason, walk back to your room, put on nice shoes and a button down, and go pick up that girl. Our site is for the go-getters, the movers and shakers, the people who want to enhance their social experience, not those who want to sit around and check people's profiles to learn which works of fiction their crush is currently grazing through. As other networking sites you are familiar with get creepier and creepier, we are the breath of fresh air you have been waiting for.
As we continue development, there are some very exciting things in store. We aren't interested in following in the footsteps of those lame social networking sites you are tired of or never had any interest in joining. We know what young adults like. We know what young adults want. And we're going to bring you just that.
College Tonight

About The Author:
COLLEGE TONIGHT is the only nightlife networking site on the internet.


How Do You Know When It's Time To Get Married?
Copyright 2006 X & Y Communications
You've done everything it takes to get your own game together, and you've been a man or woman who deserves what you want for sometime now. In fact, you've found a partner as terrific as you are, and the question has inevitably surfaced: Is it time to "pop the question" around here?
I believe a lot of us really have not spent enough time ruminating upon what it really takes to consider a decision to make marriage plans. And make no mistake, my friends, this is the kind of thought that should go on long before you are ever in the position to actually act upon what you think and / or feel.
Indeed, getting engaged should never be a "knee-jerk" decision. In fact, nothing involving "jerks" of any kind should ever be a consideration.
So whether you are in a serious relationship right now or not, let's consider the top ten signs to look for when considering marriage:
1) You are attracted to each other
First, you absolutely, positively must be sexually attracted to the object of your affection. This is NOT being shallow, as we've discussed previously. Don't you appreciate how I freely endorse making this a priority? Thought so. Feel better now? LOL
2) You actually like each other
Laugh if you will, but I've seen first-hand how couples justify long-term relationships despite getting on each other's nerves big time. I personally don't get it, and if you deserve what you want I surely hope you don't want that.
3) You've spent enough time together to really know each other
Let's not talk in terms of calendar time here. If a couple is in a long-distance-relationship (LDR) for two years and see each other once a month for two days, they may see each other about as much as a couple who lives two blocks apart and has been joined at the hip since they met a month ago. When you know that you've seen the person at his or her most relaxed (and at his or her worst, for that matter), then and only then are you in a position to speculate regarding what the future really holds.
4) You are on the same page spiritually
Don't underestimate the importance of this. If you believe that God should be at the center of your relationship, it can only be that way if your would-be partner agrees. If this hasn't been talked about yet, make it a priority to do so. Even if you are both agnostic or atheist, for that matter, it's still a good idea to discuss your world views and make sure you are in agreement on what your core beliefs are.
5) Your long-term goals are similar
If your futures are taking you in different directions, either someone is going to have to compromise, or your futures don't have each other in them. Period.
6) You know how to play together
Sure, she goes shoe shopping while he watches the NFL. But do you know how to enjoy leisure time together? We're not just talking about sex here? I always thought it would be amazing to find a woman who would want to go BMX racing with me. As it turns out, that wasn't so farfetched. Couples who play together stay together.
7) You both want to be married
Do both of you really desire marriage? If you feel you are trying to persuade someone out of the single life who still wants to be there then guess what…you are not making valuable use of your time.
8) The basics in your lives are handled
Are you mentally and physically healthy? Is your self-esteem in good shape? If you carry heavy concerns that consume you, it's not time to invite someone else into your world permanently. After all, that would only give your heavy concerns someone else to consume. And that's not part of a balanced relationship.
9) You have no doubt in your mind that your partner is committed to you as you are to him/her
Ah yes…the "trust" factor. Kill all jealousy in order to ready yourself for a committed relationship. And make darn skippy sure that's okay to do. If there are signs your future husband or wife would cheat on you, then forgettaboutit. Really.
10) You have no doubt in your mind that you are committed to your partner as he/she is to you
Turnabout is fair play here. Are you completely sure you are trustworthy? Do you harbor fantasies about cheating on your future spouse? If you are focusing too much on someone else—especially if that "someone else" is potentially available to you, then my suggestion is to get that resolved before feigning "commitment" to someone who would be truly committed to you.
Whether you feel you are ready for marriage or not is okay. One should never feel pressured either way. The framework for a solid marriage with a great long-term prognosis can only be established when both partners truly want to be there…and believe wholeheartedly in both the future and in each other.
After all, isn't that what love is for?

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Want to hear more? Scot McKay is a dating coach in San Antonio, TX and founder of X & Y Communications, a one-stop-shop for dating resources. He is the author of the new book "Deserve What You Want", and hosts the popular podcast series "X & Y On The Fly". He may be reached at scot@xandycommunications.net or on the Web at http://www.dating-advice.us/ and http://www.romantic-dinner.com/ . The podcast series is available free of charge at http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyonthefly .